Order of the Pheonix - A Potter that isn't Horrible

Just saw the most recent Harry Potter movie. I was surprised by the watchability of the thing. The special effects weren't distractingly awful and the movie lacked many of the gaping plot holes that the novels are well known for. The last scene did not consist of long exposition that if shared with Harry at the beginning of the movie would have prevented all of the events of the movie from happening. For a change, I didn't have the feeling that this was a children's movie written by a child. Anyway, I only mention this to give a reason for archiving these Potter-related amusements.

I'm a Genius, Trust Me

Personal privacy has never been a priority of the internet. The right search string can find just about anything and anyone. Now there are a couple of websites that make the job of being a digital voyeur much easier. These personal information conglomeraters take all of the data about you scattered around the internet and gather it together into one stalker-ready resource. Personal and professional data bumping into each other to produce a mutant offspring that was never meant to see the light of day. Of course, in the Web 2.o world, embarrassing people with facts of their own life is not enough. Sites like Spock.com, allow you to not only adjust your own profile but to classify others by whatever derogatory term you wish. Slander and libel disguised as accurate description. Others have already made comment on how these sites have been used to mislabel people as despicable criminals. Imagine if these sites became popular enough that they produced the top Google hit every time you searched your name. The first thing most people would see of your internet presence would be malicious terms pranksters planted on you (or all the wonderful fictitious tags you add to yourself - Nobel Prize here I come).

By the way Spock.com, if you are reading over my shoulder, my name is Sage Tyler, a 38 year old lumberjack from Walla Walla, Washington.

How Can I Get This Job - Seriously

South Florida politics are murkier than the polluted swamps that cover the state. As Carl Hiaasen has said,

The Sunshine State is a paradise of scandals teeming with drifters, deadbeats, and misfits drawn here by some dark primordial calling like demented trout. And you'd be surprised how many of them decide to run for public office.

It is home to Mark Foley and the original non-gay gay Republican politician, Bob Allen, head of John McCain's Florida Campaign. Nothing is more representative of this phenomenon than the Palm Beach County Commission (let's not talk about the 2000 presidential election - it will just make me sad). These guys make an outrageous $92,000 a year for a local government position. The state senators of Florida are only considered part time and make a salary of about $30,000 (before kick backs). Despite the obvious generosity of the tax-payers, Palm Beach residents have lost two of their seven commissioners in 2007 due to indictment. That's is nearly 30% of the commissioners that committed crimes while in office. Warren Newell and ex-chairman Tony Masilotti were both sentenced to 5 years in jail for using there votes to make money. Seems kind of unfair since Masilotti got to temporarily enjoy 10 million dollars in ill-gotten gains while Newell only stole 500k. But then Masilotti had a drug habit to support and we all know that isn't cheap. In the end though, Palm Beach County Commissioners have only one power that is worth anything and that is determining zoning on real estate and apparently these two knew how to use it (just not how to use it without getting caught). If that wasn't bad enough, a third commissioner, Mary McCarty, appears to be a very mean lady who picks on her poor, defenseless fellow commissioners. So, I go back to my original question. How do I get this job? A do nothing job that pays almost 100k and a person that limits their misdeeds to drowning puppies looks like a choir boy. Elect me. Just tell me how.

How Can I Watch Commercials Without the Annoying TV Shows

Since I seem to be on a roll with the archiving of commercials, let's continue the streak with a commercial that was deemed not be up to the high quality standards of television hackery. It is a shame since this is in fact a very amusing sixty seconds of shilling alcoholic beverages. Not being a fan of hops and barley, I am not the target audience of the beer companies but I do have to give them credit for consistently producing the best Super Bowl ads. The companies behind the other component of drunk driving could really learn something from their intoxicating brethren. Somehow Chevy has yet to find a way to entertain and sell at the same time, at least not on purpose.

Truth in Advertising

A while back, Chevy asked the internet community to develop an advertisement for them. Chevy provided the video and users were supposed to provide the copy. Of course, with the internet's permanent resistants being primarily made up of left-leaning cynics, the resulting commercials weren't exactly what Chevy had in mind. Me, also being a left-leaning cynic, found it quite enjoyable to see one of the faceless multinationals officially sponsor the production of a commercial that tells you why you shouldn't buy their product. Just like how those tobacco companies are forced pay for all those horribly lame "Truth" ads that tell you not to smoke.

Ready For Some Football

As I mentioned before, I am a big fantasy nerd. So, with the football season officially kicking off this weekend, I thought I might catalog these fantasy football-related videos that brought some joy to my simple life. I desperately need it as both of my fantasy teams decided to start their season next week.

But Will They Still Be Able To Host Marti Gras

It seems clear that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. Someone who takes this kind of action has significant mental health issues. The kind that can't be solved by a quick stay in a Hollywood rehab spa. Now, you wouldn't expect the delusional individuals that cover show biz for a living to completely grasp the complexity of issues tied up with suicide and recovery from it, but I say one article that I am still shaking my head about. In Entertainment Weekly there as an article the actually had the gull to say;

"The report that Owen Wilson, the 38-year-old comic actor known for his easygoing demeanor, had attempted suicide was shocking and sobering for both fans and the industry. And it left many people wondering how this sensitive situation will affect the in-demand actor's workload."

Yes, that was what everyone wanted to know. How does Owen Wilson failed attempt to end his own life effect my ability to see Shanghai Noon III? I am not suggesting anyone send flowers to the Wilson family and even shed a tear for someone you will never meet. But still suicide attempt. No one is wondering when he is going back to work.

Make It Stop

TV has long been blamed for the corruption and dumbing down of our society. Well, it appears that TV has decided stop fighting that image and started to deliberately produce shows intended to cause our brains to eat themselves. The worst part of this story is that the demonic creatures that now run TV have decided target the most innocent, helpless portion of our society. No, not the president. Babies and toddlers, insuring that the next generations best skill will be drooling on themselves. I first suspected this when I watched some of the Baby Einstein videos. They purport to have some educational value but to me it seemed that all babies learned to do was zone out in front of the glowing box. Of course, it has since been confirmed that these videos do make you dumber. Now comes the most insidious plot yet to kill brain cells, Yo Gabba Gabba. Watch the clip above and you will have glimmer of the danger this show poses (This blog is not responsible for mental or physical issues that may result from watching this toxic waste). To truly appreciate the evil genius of this show, you have to hear and see the performance of the "Jumpy Jump" song. It is freely downloadable at the show's MySpace page (Of course it is free. The purveyors of this filth are only interested in destroying us, not making a profit). But again, I must warn you to listen to this at your own risk. It is really sticky and is the enemy's most effective weapon in the destruction of intelligent life. I am still trying to free myself from it. Soon we will all end up like the character's in Will Ferrell's latest web video (below) or everyone in "The Invasion". Please, storm Nick Jr. studios. Throw your TV's out. Just don't let Yo Gabba Gabba into your house.

Don't Take Your Sports so Seriously

There is no doubt that I am a big sports nerd. I have long been a participant in fantasy sports games and have wasted several years of my life playing sports video games dating back to Intellivision. It is not surprising then that I also utilize sports commentary columns and radio shows to procrastinate at work. I have found though that I am not a big fan of the straight sports news story, instead preferring those voices that mix pop culture and politics with their sports talk. This is one of the reasons that my afternoon commute (all 10 minutes of it) is spent listening to occasional PTI host Dan Le Batard's local radio show. It is 25% sports, 75% nonsense. This is also the reason that I have followed the Tuesday Morning Quarterback column through it's many incarnations. I originally started to read the column on ESPN.com. But when the tastefully named Gregg Easterbrook angered his mousy overlord, he was forced to take his show on the road. Originally starting the TMQ column on Slate.com before moving to the big time at ESPN, Easterbrook was forced to move the vagabond opinion piece yet again, this time to NFL.com. Apparently Mickey has a short memory because TMQ is now back at ESPN. Some speculate that this is due to the departure of Micheal Eisner who was criticized in the objectionable article. I don't care were I find TMQ as long as I can print it up for travel to the porcelain jungle.

Easterbrook holds a position at the left of center political think tank the Brookings Institute, writes for the left leaning New Republic, and has published commentary on Christian theology. So naturally, his TMQ articles are filled with asides about happening in politics, ethics, and as a true geek, the factual errors of science fictions shows. These commentaries are not straight unbiased reporting either. The words of TMQ definitely are meant to advance the agendas of its author. I have learned to take the non-football reporting with a grain of salt. The level of spin added to some stories obfuscates the truth sometimes. For instance, I have found his campaign against the continued glorification of violence in the movies to be right on target but specific descriptions and accounts of scenes in the "Passion of the Christ" did not turn out to be on target when I actually saw it. Same goes for his recent comments on the last Harry Potter. I thought he had one of the most insightful comments yet about the last Harry Potter book when he wondered aloud why the good guys didn't use guns against the evil wizards when it was made clear the wizards were vulnerable to projectile objects. But the remaining issues that he listed made it sound like he hadn't read a page of the book or any other in the series. Although it is a horribly weak plot device, Rowling made it clear in a previous book that the Sorting Hat could produce the Sword of Gryffindor. (On a side note, I liked Stephen King's comment that habit of the kids coming up with a brand new spell every time they were in danger was lazy writing) There were many, many, many problems with the Harry Potter books that should have made them unreadable to adults. TMQ just didn't pick up on them. Despite all that, TMQ is still my third favorite place to catch up on current events. It is also a fantastic way to avoid doing the work piling up on your desk.

Because Your Butt Deserves the Very Best

Really? Do people really have such an excess of disposable income that this is actually a viable product? A toilet seat with it's own remote control. I stumbled across this and I sure am glad I did. It turns out that all I needed to cure my severe depression was a 21st century update to toilet paper. At least they put up a first class website to front their advertising campaign. Nothing more amusing than watching people try to discuss a delicate issue such as butt hygiene while trying to move product and be up beat. The naked rump smiling faces are just the start the of the fun. More companies should consider nudity in their corporate logos.

Brothers by Other Mothers

Militant actor George Clooney and Hamas leader Khaled Meshaal. Separated at birth or really the same person? Ask yourself this - have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?

Good Science

In line with the rationale for this blog, I wanted to note several fine science-related news articles from American's most reliable source of news, The Onion. I have been a big fan of The Onion since being an undergrad and working for a University of Wisconsin alumni that subscribed to the Madison-based satirical paper. Always funny with dead-on comedy and commentary. With science being near and dear to my heart, their mockery of the lab coat clad always gave me particular joy. With that here are a few of the favorites.

World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice

Super Monkey Collider Loses Funding

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

Eight is Enough, Nine is Enough, Ten is Enough....

The news is out that the Dugger litter has added another puppy (the 17th) on their personal crusade to overpopulate the world. The baby factory says they are not done. I can see why, one more and they can field two full baseball teams. Until then, the kids have to include children that aren't their siblings in their 9 on 9 scrimmages. And who wants to be exposed to the outside world?

Actually, this story and the attention it gets disgusts me. Especially because it feeds right into the raging egomania of the parents that drives this nonstop reproduction. They may feel really special about having a constantly knocked-up woman of the house but what about the children. Don't they deserve a real mom, not one that is constantly incapacitated. The unbelievable selfishness of these people. They readily admit that the only way the household can run is if each of the older kids parent that younger ones. I know, how about the parents parent their kids? Oh yeah, they are too busy enjoying their appearances on the Today show and the Discovery Channel to worry about that. When do their kids get to be kids? To top it all off and to make sure the kids are shielded from the realization that their family is profoundly screwed up, they "home-school" them. This is, of course, a euphemism for keeping them dumb and indoctrinated. Plus they would lose the free day care for the young ones if they sent the old ones to school. Just the idea of successful "home-schooling" with this number of kids, with this wide an age range, and a teacher that is always on maternity leave makes no sense. I am guessing graduation requires them to successfully fake being literate. Now that the mom is getting up there in age, I imagine that this families mission to populate an entire city from a single uterus won't seem like so much fun when the first Downs kid shows up. Some one needs to stop these fame whores before they damage more kids lives for their own glory.

Good Question

Youtube and CNN had the brilliant idea of allowing the voting public to ask the questions at the next Democratic presidential debate. Of course, the questions will be vetted by CNN so I imagine the questions will sound alot like all the other questions asked at all the other debates. Lots of gay marriage, abortion, war, and the evils of George Bush. And a lot of empty answers from spineless Democrats afraid to stand up to the Republican minority. But the thought was nice.

There was one video submission that really struck home with me. It of course focused on the media fixation de jour but the central conceit was right on. It dealt with the out of whack funding priorities in this country. How much money is going into destroying and then rebuilding another country and how little is going into the scientific research that could save lives here in this country for decades to come. Time to put some of that juice into other cups.

By the way, the central plot line of Flight Plan is so ridiculously implausible it ruins the entire movie. No one sees the little girl? No one? And the bad guys entire, elaborate plan rides on this implausibility. How could they possibly even imagine this to be a viable idea for a crime or a movie?

Teach Them Early that Life is Hard

Add both the book and the movie version of Bridge to Terabithia to the list of "childhood entertainment" options that seek to teach kids about the fragility of life. Never to early to know that Mommy and Daddy are going to die.

More Complaining

Old business - Please make Who's Now go away. Everytime I turn on Sports Center, there it is. I just want to see highlights. I don't want to see this pointless drivel. Is it really that slow of a news period that they have to fill the airwaves with this brain killing nonsense? One top of it all, there is the distinct feeling that the fix is in. According to the "rules" of this pseudo-competition, 30% of the vote belongs to ESPN. Meaning that unless there is a landslide in the popular vote (another aspect that you can't have much faith in being handled with integrity), the final "winner" is determined by the talking heads. And we already know who their favorite players are. We hear about them nonstop as it is. Not surprisingly, all the athletes that ESPN installed as higher seeds have "won". The only thing more startlingly surprising than some TV professional green lighting this channel changing nuisance is that there are numerous chat room yakkers who actually debate the outcome of Who's Now bracket. Can there really be people whose lives are that empty?

The Real Winner of Who's Now

Autobots, Roll Out

Just a quick note on an enjoyable time. As a person who spent most of his formative years in the 80's, the Transformers Movie is a big deal to me. Thankfully, I was not disappointed (too much). Sure there were many fanboy details that were wrong (Bumblebee will always be a VW Bug to me) but the numerous action-filled sequences (something dearly missed from Pirates 3, Spiderman 3, and Superman vs. a Rock) kept it in the realm of an entertaining popcorn flick. And despite never being an Optimus guy (my favorite was Trailblazer), I got a little goose bumply when that Semi rolled up. Good to hear the old Optimus voice too. My only complaint was an extended comic relief section in the middle of the movie featuring a mom coming up with euphemisms for masturbation and John Turturro in his underwear. The actors appeared to be allowed to ramble and ad lib at will with absolutely no editing for quality to follow. It was incongruitus with the rest of the movie and grinds the picture to a halt. Other than that, can't wait for Transformers 2 (and the GI Joe Movie).

A Day Late - Sunset Strip

The modern news cycle moves way to fast for me to ever keep up. So the best I can do is write my thoughts on a subject a week after the rest of the world has already posted and debated every possible opinion and position on said subject. By the time I get around to it, my words look both unoriginal and redundant. But if I let that stop me, these pages would remain blank. Not that anyone would notice if that happened. That absence of an audience does provide the benefit of not having to worry about timeliness. Since, I am the only one being entertained by this blog, I will continue in the grand tradition of kicking a dead horse and over-indulging my own egomania.

Today's thought is a week and a half old. Last Thursday was the concluding episode of the massively disappointing failed TV series Studio 60 from the Sunset Strip. As most left-leaning individuals, I loved the West Wing (At least the first 4 Aaron Sorkin years before John Wells made it soapier than General Hospital). That is why I bought into the hype surrounding Sorkin's new show, Studio 60, and was anxiously awaiting its arrival at the start of the TV season. Unfortunately, it was a complete nonstarter from the very beginning. It treated the backstage mechanizations of a TV show as if they represented life or death consequences and that opinions of pampered Hollywood types about national policy mattered to anyone. The pomposity of it all was over the top. It was as if Sorkin sought to continue the West Wing but in Hollywood. If he just would have stuck to juicy insider details about making a show and a light hearted tone, it might have worked. But no, we have supposed comedy actors more concerned about war in Iraq than making anyone laugh.

The inappropriateness of the tone certainly ruined the show but the most annoying part for me was the so-called Christian true-believer. This token representative of the faith was supposed to provide the balanced view that the West Wing was missing. But instead, this character played out as way for Sorkin to show that his beliefs were superior to anything the religious right has to say. We are told she that she is a true and faithful servant despite her residence in the Sodom and Gomorrah of Hollywood. What we are shown is a woman who constantly questions her faith while those around her steadfastly defend their own. We see a woman who is more than willing to subserviate her own religion to be with an atheist man who has no intention of doing the same for her. What a bastion of modern Christianity.

Goodbye and good riddance (Even though I watched every awful episode).

Who's Now

Pardon the Interruption is my favorite sports-related show. It is immensely entertaining with two likable hosts (I also enjoy Tony Kornheiser's radio show although it just went on hiatus while he is doing his tour of duty with Monday Night Football - Even though he is a contrarian, I am also a fan of PTI fill-in Dan Le Batard). But PTI has also wrought an unspeakable evil on us. Although PTI was an original at the time it premiered, it has spawned a number of truly awful, unwatchable knock-offs featuring annoying sports writer talking heads spewing meaningless opinions about sporting minutia and pop culture. Now comes what looks like the absolute worst of the lot, this one featuring one of our beloved PTI guy's. I am talking about the worthless piffle that is new Sports Center feature Who's Now.

I am, of course, not the first person to complain about the awfulness of the idea of Who's Now, never mind the execution. But this is the lamest excuse yet to have fill 10 minutes of air time. It doesn't provide information that we don't know. It isn't entertaining or interesting. We are simply treated to three or four ESPN empty suits telling us which sports celebrities they like best. That is it. They talk about some nebulous criteria like endorsement dollars and on field success but that is a smoke screen. But really, the only thing that we get out of this exercise is the knowledge that Keyshawn Johnson prefers Dwayne Wade over The Flying Tomato. And the nation takes a collective sigh of relief. Structuring this sham popularity contest of overexposed athletes as a tournament or adding the Web 2.0 feature of internet voting doesn't make it any better. I won't be seeking out the voting aspect but if I stumble across it on ESPN.com, I plan to vote for the lowest seed. The best result I could envision for this mess is a finals matching Amanda Beard vs. Kelly Slater. That should make for some riveting TV. Boo-yah.

This is a kid's movie?

You want to mess your kid up for life? Just wait until they are old enough that they are beginning to understand the concepts of aging, death, and dieing. Then play for them this set of movies back-to-back-to-back etc.

The Lion King
Bambi
Puff the Magic Dragon
Pete's Dragon
Charlotte's Web
Old Yeller

And for good measure, tuck them in with a reading of "The Giving Tree". That should leave emotional scars that will last a lifetime.

Accurate Vision of the Future

Idiocracy was an uneven comedy that no one saw. It wasn't great but it deserved a bigger audience than the two people got lost on the way to their screening of Crank. But, buried within the obvious physical and crude jokes was an especially shrewd observation. Everything about the opening scene of the movie hits me as one hundred percent true. The retarded will inherit the earth. At least until the movie studio's copyright lawyer forces YouTube to take this clip down.

Day Break

I am in the process watching the concluding episode of Day Break. This was a short lived series that ABC put on during Lost's midseason hiatus. It was meant to save the viewing public from the horror of Lost reruns. But Lost reruns, Lifetime movies of the week, and a test of the national broadcasting system all seemed more popular choice for viewers time than Day Break and it was quickly canceled. Yet that was not the end of the show. ABC kindly put every episode of the show that was produced on their website for free viewing. All 12 of them. Here is the neat thing though. What is available is unlike most quickly canceled serials. It is a complete story. Beginning, middle, and end. There is a real conclusion to the drama. All of the main plot lines are resolved by the last episode. With every episode available for viewing one after the other, Day Break becomes one 13 hour miniseries. A decent one at that.

The actual content of Day Break isn't half bad. It is easy to see why ABC thought Lost fans might like this show. It has a large cast of intersecting and overlapping characters, a vast and mysterious conspiracy, and central sci-fi twist. The main character of has show has to repeat the same day over and over again until he accomplishes some undefined goal. The one feature of the repeating day gimmick that I most appreciated was the choose-your-own-adventure nature of how the days played out. Just like the old Scholastic Readers, different decisions were available at each major plot points. Sometimes the decision chosen landed you on page 89 and a spot in a prison cell. Sometimes a decision would you past the point that landed you in jail but two more decisions later and you are back on page 89. You get to keep trying again and again until you figure out how to avoid dreaded page 89 or some other dead end. Besides the joy of seeing a childhood book come to life, it can not be understated the satisfaction it brings to actually get a honest to goodness satisfying conclusion to one of these mythology-laden mystery serials. Something we can't say for sure that we will ever see with Lost.

Day Break will certainly disappear from ABC's free viewer soon and will only be available (maybe) on DVD but, for now, makes for a very pleasant distraction. Especially during summer reruns.

The Starting Point

I fully expect that no one will ever see the words I write here. This will sit in its own dusty corner of the internet, ignored and alone until the fateful day that the Google servers crash. But I feel like writing. I feel like forcing my opinions into your favorite search engine. I feel like posting meandering monologues that only have significance to me. I feel like establishing a virtual mantle to place my internet knick-knacks and tchotchkes on. So, if you were to stumble across this blog, know that it is unlikely that you will be educated, enlightened, or entertained. This exists only to exist. Have fun. Although I know you won't.