And To All a Good Night

Sometimes nothing beats the classics.





This blog post is sponsored by Bailey Brothers Building and Loan Association.

Childrearing Techniques for the 21st Century

Exceptional steps must be taken to properly raise your child in an increasing violent modern world. To aid in your defense of your child's health and well being in the face of this ongoing offensive comes these new childcare products sure to be essential components of any caring parent's arsenal. Want to take your baby for a walk but a worried about stray bullets from drive-by shootings. Worry no more when the little tike is outfitted in his own Kevlar vest and bullet-proof stroller. Want to help your child stand-up to the playground bully. Outfit him in full riot gear and he will be able to quell any grade school uprising. Now, if we could just convince the government that our toddlers should be able to pack heat as well, then, we as parents, could rest easy knowing our children our properly equipped to face the world. Just ask these guys.

Because you care about your child's safety, you wouldn't trust he or she to any pimply-faced teenager or kindly hobo when you and your baby's momma need to go out on the town to celebrate your 50 cent an hour raise at the local KFC. Instead, hard-partying, meth-dealing parents should consider the use another revolutionary parenting device, the baby cage. Combine this with everyone's favorite babysitter, the television, and parents can enjoy a guild-free weekend bender secure in the knowledge that their little one will be properly sedated and free of the dangers of electrical outlets and your liquor cabinet. It sure beats the alternative of locking the kid in the car where busy bodies bar patrons can kill your buzz by calling the cops. As evidenced by the clip below, utilization of the baby cage in early childhood results in a healthy, happy adulthood.

Ah, to be Young and Sick

The recent death of Phil Rizzuto (Hey I told you I was late to funerals) reminded me of those wonderful days of my youth when I was able to satisfactorily fain illness to convince my parents that my day was better spent on a couch than at a desk. As any meth dealer will tell you, there is nothing good on day-time television especially in the 80's when the choices were limited to the big 3 networks, PBS, and a couple of local affiliates. This led to sick days filled with reruns of the best 1970's television had to offer. Happy Days, Mayberry RFD, Gomer Pile, Beverly Hillbillies. High culture, for sure. Interspersed amongst the aged hilarity were some truly awful commercials that still stick with me to this day. One, of course, was the Money Store commercial with Phil Rizzuto that inspired this post. I had no idea that the man was a Hall of Fame baseball player, only that he wanted to sell me money (how does that work as a business exactly). The other was for the one, the only, Freedom Rock. Is that Freedom Rock, man? Well turn it up man. Classic.

The Pain and Suffering of our Outer Space Soldiers

Once again, not the most topical post. In fact, this post is so late to the party, we missed the funeral of the deceased's grandkids. But it is what tickles my fancy at the moment. I while back, some clever fellows figured out how to use the multi-player aspect of the smash video game Halo to stage and film their own sci-fi soap opera. Full of absurdist fun, the series, Red vs. Blue has actually run its entire course. Consisting of 5 "seasons" and a couple of special episodes, Red vs. Blue tells the story of ragtag group of mentally retarded astro-GI's fighting a battle of undetermined expectations and goals. Now you have the opportunity to watch the entire story unfold from beginning to end. No waiting for the release of the next episode. Just like I mentioned in my post about the show Day Break, this is an attractive feature for a fellow suffering with ADHD and constantly tortured by wait between doses of Lost. Plus, with the ongoing writers strike, Red vs. Blue is a much better option than the next episode of Super Nanny. All of season 5 can be downloaded from the official site. The rest can be had here. Presented for your enjoyment, Episode 1.....

Speaking of Lost, here is a fun summery of everything that has happened on the show up to this point. Can't wait til it comes back.

Truth in Advertising

A while back, Chevy asked the internet community to develop an advertisement for them. Chevy provided the video and users were supposed to provide the copy. Of course, with the internet's permanent resistants being primarily made up of left-leaning cynics, the resulting commercials weren't exactly what Chevy had in mind. Me, also being a left-leaning cynic, found it quite enjoyable to see one of the faceless multinationals officially sponsor the production of a commercial that tells you why you shouldn't buy their product. Just like how those tobacco companies are forced pay for all those horribly lame "Truth" ads that tell you not to smoke.

Ready For Some Football

As I mentioned before, I am a big fantasy nerd. So, with the football season officially kicking off this weekend, I thought I might catalog these fantasy football-related videos that brought some joy to my simple life. I desperately need it as both of my fantasy teams decided to start their season next week.

Make It Stop

TV has long been blamed for the corruption and dumbing down of our society. Well, it appears that TV has decided stop fighting that image and started to deliberately produce shows intended to cause our brains to eat themselves. The worst part of this story is that the demonic creatures that now run TV have decided target the most innocent, helpless portion of our society. No, not the president. Babies and toddlers, insuring that the next generations best skill will be drooling on themselves. I first suspected this when I watched some of the Baby Einstein videos. They purport to have some educational value but to me it seemed that all babies learned to do was zone out in front of the glowing box. Of course, it has since been confirmed that these videos do make you dumber. Now comes the most insidious plot yet to kill brain cells, Yo Gabba Gabba. Watch the clip above and you will have glimmer of the danger this show poses (This blog is not responsible for mental or physical issues that may result from watching this toxic waste). To truly appreciate the evil genius of this show, you have to hear and see the performance of the "Jumpy Jump" song. It is freely downloadable at the show's MySpace page (Of course it is free. The purveyors of this filth are only interested in destroying us, not making a profit). But again, I must warn you to listen to this at your own risk. It is really sticky and is the enemy's most effective weapon in the destruction of intelligent life. I am still trying to free myself from it. Soon we will all end up like the character's in Will Ferrell's latest web video (below) or everyone in "The Invasion". Please, storm Nick Jr. studios. Throw your TV's out. Just don't let Yo Gabba Gabba into your house.

A Day Late - Sunset Strip

The modern news cycle moves way to fast for me to ever keep up. So the best I can do is write my thoughts on a subject a week after the rest of the world has already posted and debated every possible opinion and position on said subject. By the time I get around to it, my words look both unoriginal and redundant. But if I let that stop me, these pages would remain blank. Not that anyone would notice if that happened. That absence of an audience does provide the benefit of not having to worry about timeliness. Since, I am the only one being entertained by this blog, I will continue in the grand tradition of kicking a dead horse and over-indulging my own egomania.

Today's thought is a week and a half old. Last Thursday was the concluding episode of the massively disappointing failed TV series Studio 60 from the Sunset Strip. As most left-leaning individuals, I loved the West Wing (At least the first 4 Aaron Sorkin years before John Wells made it soapier than General Hospital). That is why I bought into the hype surrounding Sorkin's new show, Studio 60, and was anxiously awaiting its arrival at the start of the TV season. Unfortunately, it was a complete nonstarter from the very beginning. It treated the backstage mechanizations of a TV show as if they represented life or death consequences and that opinions of pampered Hollywood types about national policy mattered to anyone. The pomposity of it all was over the top. It was as if Sorkin sought to continue the West Wing but in Hollywood. If he just would have stuck to juicy insider details about making a show and a light hearted tone, it might have worked. But no, we have supposed comedy actors more concerned about war in Iraq than making anyone laugh.

The inappropriateness of the tone certainly ruined the show but the most annoying part for me was the so-called Christian true-believer. This token representative of the faith was supposed to provide the balanced view that the West Wing was missing. But instead, this character played out as way for Sorkin to show that his beliefs were superior to anything the religious right has to say. We are told she that she is a true and faithful servant despite her residence in the Sodom and Gomorrah of Hollywood. What we are shown is a woman who constantly questions her faith while those around her steadfastly defend their own. We see a woman who is more than willing to subserviate her own religion to be with an atheist man who has no intention of doing the same for her. What a bastion of modern Christianity.

Goodbye and good riddance (Even though I watched every awful episode).

Day Break

I am in the process watching the concluding episode of Day Break. This was a short lived series that ABC put on during Lost's midseason hiatus. It was meant to save the viewing public from the horror of Lost reruns. But Lost reruns, Lifetime movies of the week, and a test of the national broadcasting system all seemed more popular choice for viewers time than Day Break and it was quickly canceled. Yet that was not the end of the show. ABC kindly put every episode of the show that was produced on their website for free viewing. All 12 of them. Here is the neat thing though. What is available is unlike most quickly canceled serials. It is a complete story. Beginning, middle, and end. There is a real conclusion to the drama. All of the main plot lines are resolved by the last episode. With every episode available for viewing one after the other, Day Break becomes one 13 hour miniseries. A decent one at that.

The actual content of Day Break isn't half bad. It is easy to see why ABC thought Lost fans might like this show. It has a large cast of intersecting and overlapping characters, a vast and mysterious conspiracy, and central sci-fi twist. The main character of has show has to repeat the same day over and over again until he accomplishes some undefined goal. The one feature of the repeating day gimmick that I most appreciated was the choose-your-own-adventure nature of how the days played out. Just like the old Scholastic Readers, different decisions were available at each major plot points. Sometimes the decision chosen landed you on page 89 and a spot in a prison cell. Sometimes a decision would you past the point that landed you in jail but two more decisions later and you are back on page 89. You get to keep trying again and again until you figure out how to avoid dreaded page 89 or some other dead end. Besides the joy of seeing a childhood book come to life, it can not be understated the satisfaction it brings to actually get a honest to goodness satisfying conclusion to one of these mythology-laden mystery serials. Something we can't say for sure that we will ever see with Lost.

Day Break will certainly disappear from ABC's free viewer soon and will only be available (maybe) on DVD but, for now, makes for a very pleasant distraction. Especially during summer reruns.