The Majestic History of Chinese Culture

For all those who have adopted a young child from China, it is important ensure that child is made aware of the rich cultural history of their native country. This of course requires more effort than just buying copies of Mulan and Mulan 2:Enter the Dragon. It means actually researching what daily life in China actually consists of. Both in the years gone by and in today's modern world. In the case of the latter, it requires finding out how a typical Chinese child is educated, what his/her diet consists of, and what games they fill their leisure time with. To aide in this pursuit, I suggest that all those adoptive parents out there, run and purchase this new board game that is currently sweeping the land of Mao. It can provide fun for the whole family while immersing your little one in a truly Chinese experience.

Come on everyone, Smack the Lion

Why isn't this a Real Movie

From the people who brought you Facebook/Off, now comes the latest worldwide blockbuster, Minesweeper: The Movie. Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing a full length version of either of these. Are these movie ideas any worse than basing a 2 hour story on a 5 minute amusement park ride? And since we are considering making movies out of non-traditional computer-based properties, can we please have an Oregon Trail: The Movie?

More Time to Play with his Transformers

Bill Gates is calling an end to an era. He is stepping down as the head of day-to-day operations of Microsoft. It is hard to remember a day in my life when he wasn't serving as the most powerful man in the world. I guess he will just have to settle for the richest. And get this, he is quitting his day job to commit all of his time to giving away all his money. How un-American. To mark this moment in history, Mr. Gates has made a video detailing his transition. As fine an actor as the ultimate geek is, his farewell note is only the second best out of office memo produced by a powerful, well-known leader of men.

Bowl Fever - I Think I Got Vaccinated

This year's completely uninspiring college football season came to a merciful end this past Monday when the LSU Tigers completely humiliated the overmatched Ohio State Buckeyes. The game was unwatchable by halftime which is only appropriate because most of America had forgotten that the college football season was still ongoing by the time they got around to playing the "title" game. I hate to pull an "in my day" but in my day bowl season was actually entertaining. Even though the old system wasn't perfect, on New Year's day, you were assured of seeing all of the best teams in action. But now, New Year's day is reserved for fewer games composed of the second-tier teams and fifth-tier Illinois while all the "big" games are strung out as "events" unto their own. The old system would have given us the much preferable USC vs. Ohio State. Kansas vs. Virgina Tech could be entertaining as one of many games that you flip back and forth from but it ranks as a distant second to a rerun of Ugly Betty when it is the only football on TV. No playoff system successfully crowns the "best" team so we shouldn't concern ourselves with that for college football. Instead let's go back to the time when we had a day of 9-12 bowl games and a really great day of football. One game can be a blow out because one of the many other options will surely be heading to an exciting conclusion. I used to also walk both ways uphill in the snow.

About the only moment of the College Football title game with any suspense was the naming of Pontiac Game Changing Play of the Year Presented by Toyota. In the end, they went with 15 lateral play by Trinity to win their game against Millsaps. As you will see below, it would have been more meaningful if the other team hadn't quit trying at the end. By the time Trinity makes the final run for the goal line, there are many Millsaps players just standing around watching. Apparently they realized they were playing in a game that doesn't matter and no one cares about so if those fools were so determined to win, they can have it. It wasn't worth getting winded over.



Just to finish off this rant, I am also annoyed by the the talking heads insistence that the only worthwhile football takes place in the big conferences and that of the big conferences, the Big East is the weak sister. If you look at the final standings of bowl season as an indicator of conference strength you will see the truth. Not surprisingly the SEC is indeed the class of the nation but number two is the Mountain West Conference and that conference's one loss was a close game in which they lost their starting quarterback against a major conference opponent. Sure Hawaii was destroyed but Boise State and Utah have previously shown that the small conferences belong in the big bowls. I would rather have seen a tough BYU team take on Missouri than a mediocre Arkansas. At the least, the Mountain West teams should get all the bowl games that normally go to the ACC. They were just an embarrassment this year.

Final College Football Bowl Standings

Conference	W	L	GB
SEC	7	2	-
MWC	4	1	1
Big 12	5	3	1.5
Pac-10	4	2	1.5
Big East	3	2	2
S. Belt	1	0	2
Ind.	0	1	3
Big Ten	3	5	3.5
C-USA	2	4	3.5
WAC	1	3	3.5
MAC	0	3	4
ACC	2	6	4.5

American Gladiators

If you don't watch, you are un-American and must report to immediately to Guantanamo Bay for reeducation.

The Meek Shall Inherit Pain

There isn't much that warms my cockles more than seeing little kids bounce off hard surfaces. At least they are made of some combination of cement and rubber. They feel no pain and rarely break anything. Plus, they are like real people only smaller which makes it funny.

Ah, to be Young and Sick

The recent death of Phil Rizzuto (Hey I told you I was late to funerals) reminded me of those wonderful days of my youth when I was able to satisfactorily fain illness to convince my parents that my day was better spent on a couch than at a desk. As any meth dealer will tell you, there is nothing good on day-time television especially in the 80's when the choices were limited to the big 3 networks, PBS, and a couple of local affiliates. This led to sick days filled with reruns of the best 1970's television had to offer. Happy Days, Mayberry RFD, Gomer Pile, Beverly Hillbillies. High culture, for sure. Interspersed amongst the aged hilarity were some truly awful commercials that still stick with me to this day. One, of course, was the Money Store commercial with Phil Rizzuto that inspired this post. I had no idea that the man was a Hall of Fame baseball player, only that he wanted to sell me money (how does that work as a business exactly). The other was for the one, the only, Freedom Rock. Is that Freedom Rock, man? Well turn it up man. Classic.

The Pain and Suffering of our Outer Space Soldiers

Once again, not the most topical post. In fact, this post is so late to the party, we missed the funeral of the deceased's grandkids. But it is what tickles my fancy at the moment. I while back, some clever fellows figured out how to use the multi-player aspect of the smash video game Halo to stage and film their own sci-fi soap opera. Full of absurdist fun, the series, Red vs. Blue has actually run its entire course. Consisting of 5 "seasons" and a couple of special episodes, Red vs. Blue tells the story of ragtag group of mentally retarded astro-GI's fighting a battle of undetermined expectations and goals. Now you have the opportunity to watch the entire story unfold from beginning to end. No waiting for the release of the next episode. Just like I mentioned in my post about the show Day Break, this is an attractive feature for a fellow suffering with ADHD and constantly tortured by wait between doses of Lost. Plus, with the ongoing writers strike, Red vs. Blue is a much better option than the next episode of Super Nanny. All of season 5 can be downloaded from the official site. The rest can be had here. Presented for your enjoyment, Episode 1.....

Speaking of Lost, here is a fun summery of everything that has happened on the show up to this point. Can't wait til it comes back.

The Real Thing

An update to my recent post. I was able to find an MP3 of the Video Games Live! performance of the Mario Brothers' Theme Music. I am not sure if it is an authorized version but it sure does make me want that full sound track. Here it is for you to enjoy as well.

What It Would be Like to be Married to an Entire Choir

In my ongoing series on oddball music comes the appearance of Complaint Choirs. All of your most petty gripes set to a musical accompaniment. Release your daily frustrations while entertaining others (and call me weird, I do find it entertaining). I am now waiting for the appearance of the "Airline Lost my Luggage" Aria and the "Comcast is an Evil Monopoly that Milks Me for Every Cent I have yet Constantly Drops my Internet Signal" Carol. There are a million of message boards out there waiting for a matching melody.

Does This Make Them More Geeky

While we are on the theme of video game-inspired musical performances, here is a University of California Marching Band interpretation of Nintendo's greatest hits that was going around the net a couple of months ago. They hit on Pong, Tetris, Mortal Combat, Pokemon, Legend of Zelda, and Mario Brothers. In addition to the joy of hearing these classics boomed out with 76 trombones and 110 cornets, I particularly enjoyed the band geek posturing taking place on the message board of the YouTube video. Some self-absorbed fellows bragging up their competitive high school band, touting their ability to do the routine better in their sleep. Band nerds that perform scenes from video games are near the top of the dorkiness pyramid. But band nerds that hang out on YouTube message boards to trash talk out marching band's choreography takes it to a whole new level.

Modern Classical Music

It seems people have finally found a better use for all those concert halls than presenting poorly attended, stodgy operas or putting on the 1,342,922,102 orchestral rendition of Tchicovsky's 1812 Overature. Instead, some people have picked up on the idea that they can fill those seats by playing music most people of today know and love. At least on the subliminal level. Whose ears don't perk up with instant recognition at the first couple of notes of the Mario Brothers theme? Someday our grandkids will wonder they are forced to dress up and go to the theater for a performance Donkey Kong's Unfinished Symphony. My only question is why aren't they selling a CD of their performances of Video Games Live? I would like one please.



Speaking of good uses of empty concert hall seats, here is another fun one. Although less culturally relevant, still a fun bit of pop art utilizing a common language known world wide. Video games, especially our old 8-bit favorites, are now a firm part our shared history.

The Original Human SPACE INVADERS

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