All About Me

From the outset, I have made no bones the nature of this blog. It is intended to be nothing more than a compilation of self-indulgent navel gazing. This is likely the reason why it has taken me nearly a full calendar year to realize that other members of the genus Homo have happened across my ramblings. But now that my eyes have been opened, it is time to salute these fine upstanding citizens for taken note of the internet's highest quality detritus.

Since I began cataloging poor quality videos that amuse only me, I have received 7 comments on this corner of the internet wilderness. One was a spam comment that I deleted while 3 more are were from relatives that pitied my sad, lonely, and ignored musings and threw me a bone. But then I put up a post about the upcoming G.I. Joe movie. Surprise, surprise, I hit a sweet spot for the blogosphere. 2 of the comments are even relevant to my post. So thanks Marc and Kyle. You have proven that every now and then, the needle can be found in the haystack, even when the haystack is larger than the great state of Alaska. And specifically to Kyle, you have obviously put some thought into your comment and in the spirit and tradition of great internet debate, I respectfully deem your opinion the moronic regurgitation of an obviously mentally feeble individual in need of institutionalization. Who will feed you when you mother passes on? Actually, I see what you are getting at but I stand by my concerns over casting. My problem with Duke isn't so much about age but the blandness of the actor. And despite your contention, I still feel Cobra Commander needs the gravitas that only comes with age. But I am prepared to be and hope to be wrong.

In honor of my most popular post, I present video from Cobra Commander's ill fated run for President. I imagine his plan for a weather control device would have been as beneficial to the future of this country as the Iraq War and the latest version of a stimulus package. Oh, and the Oscars were completely unwatchable.



This blog post is sponsored by Prescott Pharmaceuticals.

And the Oscar for Pretentiousness Goes to....

Way back in the early days of the internet, I used to maintain an unvisited outpost of self-indulgence. A lot like...no...exactly like this blog (hence the reason the original site and the blog share the same name). One game I used to play purely for my own enjoyment was selection of personally sanctioned movie awards. The only qualification for consideration for my prestigious awards was that the film had to make a minimum of 100 million dollars. My motivation in doing this was that I found the Oscars to be less and less representative of reality. I also found them less and less watchable but that is another story. It seemed that as the movie industry began to loss that aura of exclusivity and superiority, the individuals responsible for the Oscars felt they needed to try harder and harder to separate themselves from the rabble. To distinguish themselves. To justify their existence. To establish that they maintain some singular skill and knowledge that the proletariat do not possess. The only way to do this of course is to summarily dismiss any movie that garners popular acclaim in favor of monotonous, ponderous, navel-gazing art house fare that rarely plays outside of L.A. multiplexes. Where once the Oscars honored true classics that are still beloved and watched today, the present day Oscars select movies that were never actually viewed by people who weren't paid to do so and are forgotten to time immortal as soon as the poorly watched telecast ends. Pollack, Atonement, Babel. These aren't good movies. Under any circumstance. They're not even watchable. And the grand tradition continues this year. Despite incredibly popular pieces of art like WALL-E and Dark Knight, we get nominations for Milk and The Reader. Sure, popularity does not equal quality - Twilight and Harry Potter any one - but if a piece of celluloid is really supposed to represent the best work from a period of 365 days, shouldn't someone actually be willing to watch it? As a final proof of how bad this year's nominees are, I give you the following video. The largest moneymaker of all the nominees isn't even original. It is a puffed up, padded, and pompous rip off of a much better movie. The Raspberry Awards have more relevance now a days than the Oscars.

On a side note, given the lobbying, pandering, and slandering that goes into a successful Oscar campaign, you almost have to wonder if this video is the product of the makers of Gran Torino or something.

This blog post is sponsored by Binford Tools.

One For The Other Thumb

The great Santonio Holmes accomplished two grand feats tonight. First and foremost, he brought home the Steelers sixth world championship, putting them in front of the coked-up Cowboys and the nancy boy Niners. Second, he kept us from a world that would call Ben Roethlisbeger a Super Bowl MVP. It is really disgusting how lazy the Talking Heads can be when it comes to this perfunctory responsibility. Just give it to the winning QB no matter how he actually played (Exhibit A and B - the Manning Brothers) regardless of how they actually played or, when the QB is a vanilla non-celebrity, give it to the team's media darling and pre-game talking point (Exhibit C - Trent Dilfer and Ray Lewis), again, regardless of what actually happened on the field. It is like the only information these guys had to go on was the final score.

"What - the Ravens won? Well, I bet Ray Lewis had a lot to do with that. He had to. He is an incredible force of nature. At least that is what the teleprompter is telling me. That and he will kill me."

In honor of tonight's hero, I give you the following video. I found it pretty interesting when I first saw it. It details a part of the country that few people see and where Santonio is from. Abject poverty buried in the swamps of Florida. Just an hour or so from one of the richest zip codes in the country, these small towns exist as if they are in another world (say a third world). Of course, you can't be sure how accurate all the "facts" of the story are. In today's world of manufactured news, a good story trumps truth every time. No one doubts that this little nowhere ville is a hot bed of football talent, it is the tale of the rabbit chasing that I have my eye on. I would like to believe it is just as it is reported (in the sense that I like deeply rooted traditions that have real history and meaning - not in the sense that I like poverty and drug addition). But something in the back of my head says most of it is a production for the camera. About as genuine as the tryout episodes of American Idol. If there is one lesson we can take away from this story, it is don't be the bunny.

This blog post is sponsored by the Paper Street Soap Company.

Here We Go

I am willing to risk jinxing it in favor of showing my supreme confidence that Big Ben will not do his typical Brett Favre impersonation and the Steelers will be the defacto league champion by the end of the day (Does it really matter who the NFC puts up - the Super Bowl happens today at 6:30). The only thing that gives me pause is that all of the talking heads seem similarly convinced that the black and gold are moving on and anytime all the talking heads are convinced of something, it invariably doesn't happen. Despite that misgiving - Ladies and Gentlemen, your soon to be six-time Super Bowl champions, the Pittsburgh Steelers.

This blog post is sponsored by Callahan Auto Parts.

And To All a Good Night

Sometimes nothing beats the classics.

This blog post is sponsored by Bailey Brothers Building and Loan Association.

Glad to be Wrong

Apparently, I was overly pessimistic in my last post. Instead of choking mightily, my fantasy team, on the back of the dependable DeAngelo Williams, came from behind for a dominate 15 point win in the championship game. Instead of whining about what might of been I was able to send gloating videos, like the one below, to my vanquished foe. Let's just say I am not a gracious winner. And well I shouldn't be. After many, many, many fantasy leagues over the year, this is my first championship in a competitive league. So I think I am going to enjoy it as I clearly possess the unmatched managerial and strategical skills necessary to stand head and shoulders above my so-called peers. I just hope they present more of a challenge next year.

This blog post is sponsored by Buy N Large.

This Is How It Ends?

After 16 long weeks of setting line-ups, scouring the waiver wires, turning down ridiculous trade offers, dealing with the dubious activities of a ethically questionable commissioner, and racking up big points and a spot in the championship game, my fantasy team decided to take the week off. Anquan Boldin breaks his face earlier in the year and takes a week off to get over it but a sore leg keeps him out of the most important game of year. The Ravens defense waits until this week to play like a team of elderly steroid freaks and unconvicted criminals. Oh wait...check that last one. Anyway, they stunk up the joint and I am left with an empty feeling.

This blog post is sponsored by Omni Consumer Products.