Saturday, September 10, 2011

Anything They Can Do, I Can Do Better (or at Least Equally Poorly)

Predictions are cheap in every sense of the word. There is no risk to one's bank account or reputation because predictions are forgotten almost as quickly as they are thrown off. That is probably why we have become a culture of meaningless predictions. Entire networks have been built around talking heads with dubious credentials predicting the end of the world, the next Enron, or (most importantly) whether Chris Johnson's holdout will result in him rushing for 92 yards or 105 yards in the season opener. And yet, despite all of the super, secret insider knowledge possessed by TV's many Nostradamuses, the great insights spouted by the know-it-alls of the world are almost always wrong. Of course that fact doesn't stop them from being ultraconfident that there next forecast will be right on the money. And why should it stop me as well. I am almost guaranteed to as good as the best ex-jock on ESPN family of networks and if I actually do hit on anything I predict, I can immediately point back to it as evidence of my pure genius. If I am wrong, well no one will ever see this post anyway. So without further ado, here are my predictions for the 2011 NFL season. And yes, I picked Green Bay over New Orleans in the opener (trust me - I am always right).

AFC East
New England       13-3
New York Jets    11-5
Miami                  4-12
Buffalo                 4-12

AFC North
Pittsburgh            14-2
Baltimore              9-7
Cleveland             7-9
Cincinnati             4-12

AFC South
Houston              9-7
Indianapolis         8-8
Tennessee           8-8
Jacksonville        3-13

AFC West
San Diego          13-3
Denver                7-9
Kansas City        6-10
Oakland             2-14

NFC East
Philadelphia             13-3
Dallas                      11-5
New York Giants    10-6
Washington              4-12

NFC North
Green Bay              14-2
Minnesota                8-8
Detroit                     7-9
Chicago                  3-13

NFC South
New Orleans          13-3         
Tampa Bay             10-6
Atlanta                     9-7
Carolina                  3-13

NFC West
St. Louis                 9-7
Seattle                    8-8
San Francisco         7-9
Arizona                  5-11

With a Super Bowl of San Diego over New Orleans.

This blog poster is sponsored by the Nucleic Exchange Research and Development.