The problem with taking months off between writing blog entries, is that all those absolutely brilliant predictions you make never get recorded so that when you are inevitably proven correct there is a lack of a record to prove your brilliance. Luckily, I included my feelings about the Green Lantern movie in my last blog posting spree well before Ryan Reynolds proved me one hundred percent right. I was able to successfully call both the miscasting and awful look and feel of the movie from the trailer. I particularly enjoyed the io9 review of the movie that referred to GL as the floating of head of Ryan Reynolds. The movie looked silly and amateurish by direct-to-DVD standards and only succeeded in killing off a franchise that the studio was willing to keep alive even in the face of losing over 100 million dollars on the original. My childhood installed in me a deep fandom for Green Lantern and G.I. Joe and I was thrilled when it was announced that both of those properties would be turned into movies. And then Hollywood went and destroyed both of them (we won’t even get into Transformers 2 because at least the original Transformers is a pretty entertaining movie if you edit out all the parts with John Turturro and Sam Witwicky’s parents). At least G.I. Joe is getting the Rock. And the Rock does not disappoint.
But one prediction that I didn’t get down on silicon in time was my the strong feeling from the trailer that Cars 2 was going to be the big letdown that breaks Pixar’s streak of instant classics (Personally I consider Ratatouille to be the first blemish on their reputation but I will go with the critics here and pretend that it was a classic). It didn’t play like a Pixar movie. It felt like a Dreamsworks’ movie. A shameless grab for the easy money that comes with a quicky sequel and a built-in merchandising franchise. And the full length thing just proved all of those concerns to be on target. The wafer thin plot and a nonsensical twist ending (it made absolutely no sense in retrospect or in immediate inspection) had the stench of Disney’s fine tradition of sequels like Aladdin: The Return of Jafar or Cinderella II - Dreams Come True. This movie clearly existed only to get their branded toys back on the shelves and drilled into kids’ cerebrum’s. The Toy Story sequels had made us think Pixar was different. They weren’t wearing the Katzenberg albatross that gave us Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch as a Glitch. But it is clear now. The only 2 Pixar movies to get sequels to date (Monsters Inc. 2 will soon make this statement out dated) were the ones that spawned successful toy lines. The announcement of a fourth Toy Story movie, despite the artistic crescendo of Toy Story 3 (should have won the best picture Oscar last year but an animated movie will never win) that provided one of the best trilogy conclusions ever only, only underlines, bolds, and italicizes the swallowing up of the Pixar vision by the Disney marketing monster. Oh well, we will always have WALL-E.
Oh and here is one more of my outdated predictions for the road. 3D movies are an overpriced fad that tries to convince people to pay premium pricing for a diminished movie going experience. It will soon pass. Also, we will one day fly like the birds, walk on the moon, ride around in horseless carriages, and tame the mighty power of the open flame. Man, my ability to predict the past is amazing.
This blog poster is sponsored by the Four-Five-Six Laundry.