Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Breaking News - I Can See The Future


In what can only be called transcendent clairvoyance, I, me, the guy typing these words, correctly predicted the final point total of the New York Giants in the Super Bowl.  Just how rare and amazing is this feat?  ESPN has no fewer than 71 of their finest "experts" guess the final score of the game and not a single one of them had the Giants final score as 21 points.  How was I so incredibly on the mark when so many others were so horribly off-base I am sure you are not asking.  Well, it is my proprietary, neural network-based algorithm which incorporates chaos theory, the anti-life equation, and the number 42 that I have honed and refined in my 53 years of intense football studies.  My Dartboard 5000 system is without equal.  So, now you are probably not asking yourself, how to I get access to the Dartboard 5000 so I can take down all of Vegas like the crew of Oceans 11 (but not Oceans 12 and 13, those movies were terrible)?  For a limited time only (which is from the moment you decide to give me money to the moment you decide to stop), you can have the keys to kingdom for only $9.99 a month (plus shipping and handling).  You get all of my sure-fire, can't miss predictions as soon as they come out of my head (predictions not guaranteed to be right, just guaranteed to be predictions).  Sign up now and watch the money to start rolling in (to my bank account).


(For clarity sake, we will not discuss my predictions for the New England Patriots final score or the winning team.  We wouldn't want to confuse the message.)

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