How Can I Get This Job - Seriously

South Florida politics are murkier than the polluted swamps that cover the state. As Carl Hiaasen has said,

The Sunshine State is a paradise of scandals teeming with drifters, deadbeats, and misfits drawn here by some dark primordial calling like demented trout. And you'd be surprised how many of them decide to run for public office.

It is home to Mark Foley and the original non-gay gay Republican politician, Bob Allen, head of John McCain's Florida Campaign. Nothing is more representative of this phenomenon than the Palm Beach County Commission (let's not talk about the 2000 presidential election - it will just make me sad). These guys make an outrageous $92,000 a year for a local government position. The state senators of Florida are only considered part time and make a salary of about $30,000 (before kick backs). Despite the obvious generosity of the tax-payers, Palm Beach residents have lost two of their seven commissioners in 2007 due to indictment. That's is nearly 30% of the commissioners that committed crimes while in office. Warren Newell and ex-chairman Tony Masilotti were both sentenced to 5 years in jail for using there votes to make money. Seems kind of unfair since Masilotti got to temporarily enjoy 10 million dollars in ill-gotten gains while Newell only stole 500k. But then Masilotti had a drug habit to support and we all know that isn't cheap. In the end though, Palm Beach County Commissioners have only one power that is worth anything and that is determining zoning on real estate and apparently these two knew how to use it (just not how to use it without getting caught). If that wasn't bad enough, a third commissioner, Mary McCarty, appears to be a very mean lady who picks on her poor, defenseless fellow commissioners. So, I go back to my original question. How do I get this job? A do nothing job that pays almost 100k and a person that limits their misdeeds to drowning puppies looks like a choir boy. Elect me. Just tell me how.

How Can I Watch Commercials Without the Annoying TV Shows

Since I seem to be on a roll with the archiving of commercials, let's continue the streak with a commercial that was deemed not be up to the high quality standards of television hackery. It is a shame since this is in fact a very amusing sixty seconds of shilling alcoholic beverages. Not being a fan of hops and barley, I am not the target audience of the beer companies but I do have to give them credit for consistently producing the best Super Bowl ads. The companies behind the other component of drunk driving could really learn something from their intoxicating brethren. Somehow Chevy has yet to find a way to entertain and sell at the same time, at least not on purpose.

Truth in Advertising

A while back, Chevy asked the internet community to develop an advertisement for them. Chevy provided the video and users were supposed to provide the copy. Of course, with the internet's permanent resistants being primarily made up of left-leaning cynics, the resulting commercials weren't exactly what Chevy had in mind. Me, also being a left-leaning cynic, found it quite enjoyable to see one of the faceless multinationals officially sponsor the production of a commercial that tells you why you shouldn't buy their product. Just like how those tobacco companies are forced pay for all those horribly lame "Truth" ads that tell you not to smoke.

Ready For Some Football

As I mentioned before, I am a big fantasy nerd. So, with the football season officially kicking off this weekend, I thought I might catalog these fantasy football-related videos that brought some joy to my simple life. I desperately need it as both of my fantasy teams decided to start their season next week.

But Will They Still Be Able To Host Marti Gras

It seems clear that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. Someone who takes this kind of action has significant mental health issues. The kind that can't be solved by a quick stay in a Hollywood rehab spa. Now, you wouldn't expect the delusional individuals that cover show biz for a living to completely grasp the complexity of issues tied up with suicide and recovery from it, but I say one article that I am still shaking my head about. In Entertainment Weekly there as an article the actually had the gull to say;

"The report that Owen Wilson, the 38-year-old comic actor known for his easygoing demeanor, had attempted suicide was shocking and sobering for both fans and the industry. And it left many people wondering how this sensitive situation will affect the in-demand actor's workload."

Yes, that was what everyone wanted to know. How does Owen Wilson failed attempt to end his own life effect my ability to see Shanghai Noon III? I am not suggesting anyone send flowers to the Wilson family and even shed a tear for someone you will never meet. But still suicide attempt. No one is wondering when he is going back to work.

Make It Stop

TV has long been blamed for the corruption and dumbing down of our society. Well, it appears that TV has decided stop fighting that image and started to deliberately produce shows intended to cause our brains to eat themselves. The worst part of this story is that the demonic creatures that now run TV have decided target the most innocent, helpless portion of our society. No, not the president. Babies and toddlers, insuring that the next generations best skill will be drooling on themselves. I first suspected this when I watched some of the Baby Einstein videos. They purport to have some educational value but to me it seemed that all babies learned to do was zone out in front of the glowing box. Of course, it has since been confirmed that these videos do make you dumber. Now comes the most insidious plot yet to kill brain cells, Yo Gabba Gabba. Watch the clip above and you will have glimmer of the danger this show poses (This blog is not responsible for mental or physical issues that may result from watching this toxic waste). To truly appreciate the evil genius of this show, you have to hear and see the performance of the "Jumpy Jump" song. It is freely downloadable at the show's MySpace page (Of course it is free. The purveyors of this filth are only interested in destroying us, not making a profit). But again, I must warn you to listen to this at your own risk. It is really sticky and is the enemy's most effective weapon in the destruction of intelligent life. I am still trying to free myself from it. Soon we will all end up like the character's in Will Ferrell's latest web video (below) or everyone in "The Invasion". Please, storm Nick Jr. studios. Throw your TV's out. Just don't let Yo Gabba Gabba into your house.

Don't Take Your Sports so Seriously

There is no doubt that I am a big sports nerd. I have long been a participant in fantasy sports games and have wasted several years of my life playing sports video games dating back to Intellivision. It is not surprising then that I also utilize sports commentary columns and radio shows to procrastinate at work. I have found though that I am not a big fan of the straight sports news story, instead preferring those voices that mix pop culture and politics with their sports talk. This is one of the reasons that my afternoon commute (all 10 minutes of it) is spent listening to occasional PTI host Dan Le Batard's local radio show. It is 25% sports, 75% nonsense. This is also the reason that I have followed the Tuesday Morning Quarterback column through it's many incarnations. I originally started to read the column on ESPN.com. But when the tastefully named Gregg Easterbrook angered his mousy overlord, he was forced to take his show on the road. Originally starting the TMQ column on Slate.com before moving to the big time at ESPN, Easterbrook was forced to move the vagabond opinion piece yet again, this time to NFL.com. Apparently Mickey has a short memory because TMQ is now back at ESPN. Some speculate that this is due to the departure of Micheal Eisner who was criticized in the objectionable article. I don't care were I find TMQ as long as I can print it up for travel to the porcelain jungle.

Easterbrook holds a position at the left of center political think tank the Brookings Institute, writes for the left leaning New Republic, and has published commentary on Christian theology. So naturally, his TMQ articles are filled with asides about happening in politics, ethics, and as a true geek, the factual errors of science fictions shows. These commentaries are not straight unbiased reporting either. The words of TMQ definitely are meant to advance the agendas of its author. I have learned to take the non-football reporting with a grain of salt. The level of spin added to some stories obfuscates the truth sometimes. For instance, I have found his campaign against the continued glorification of violence in the movies to be right on target but specific descriptions and accounts of scenes in the "Passion of the Christ" did not turn out to be on target when I actually saw it. Same goes for his recent comments on the last Harry Potter. I thought he had one of the most insightful comments yet about the last Harry Potter book when he wondered aloud why the good guys didn't use guns against the evil wizards when it was made clear the wizards were vulnerable to projectile objects. But the remaining issues that he listed made it sound like he hadn't read a page of the book or any other in the series. Although it is a horribly weak plot device, Rowling made it clear in a previous book that the Sorting Hat could produce the Sword of Gryffindor. (On a side note, I liked Stephen King's comment that habit of the kids coming up with a brand new spell every time they were in danger was lazy writing) There were many, many, many problems with the Harry Potter books that should have made them unreadable to adults. TMQ just didn't pick up on them. Despite all that, TMQ is still my third favorite place to catch up on current events. It is also a fantastic way to avoid doing the work piling up on your desk.

Because Your Butt Deserves the Very Best

Really? Do people really have such an excess of disposable income that this is actually a viable product? A toilet seat with it's own remote control. I stumbled across this and I sure am glad I did. It turns out that all I needed to cure my severe depression was a 21st century update to toilet paper. At least they put up a first class website to front their advertising campaign. Nothing more amusing than watching people try to discuss a delicate issue such as butt hygiene while trying to move product and be up beat. The naked rump smiling faces are just the start the of the fun. More companies should consider nudity in their corporate logos.