Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

I first became acquainted with Star Trek through syndicated reruns of the "Star Trek Classic". The timing of my introduction to the 5 year voyage couldn't have been more perfect as it came within spitting distance of the premiere of Star Trek:The Next Generation. Because of my temporal proximity to first adventures of the USS Enterprise, I had to check out the new intellectual property. TGN, as the cool people refer to it, took the original concept and built a show that was actually worthy of it. In fact, it was so far beyond the original in quality that it was hard to believe they came from the gene pool. Heck, TGN cast an actual actor instead of a pompous hack at the head of impressive cast of memorable characters such as nerdy son of the ship's doctor that grows up to be time traveling demigod and proliferative blogger, a ship's engineer that teaches kids to read in his spare time, and, my favorite, the omnipotent Q. Sure every Star Trek series to follow TGN, including critics' favorite Deep Space Nine, was a pale imitation of TGN and a waste of hours of my time, but the sheer joy of a weekly sci-fi show with brains when there were no other sci-fi shows on TV will live with me for a long time. The fact that TGN featured the best ever series premiere-series finale bookends doesn't hurt either. It is just too bad they could never successfully translate TGN to big screen, necessitating that overpraised, underwhelming, and internally illogical Star Trek reboot of this last summer (I never would have thought a young Captain Kirk would have such an effeminate speaking voice). At least J.J. Abrams didn't use the bomb in the brain gimmick for the 15th time in this movie.

I say all this to set up the following clip. A mash-up of that same overpraised, underwhelming, and internally illogical Star Trek reboot with the A-team theme song. The A-team - a gloriously cheesy 80's show that I ate up as a kid. Of course they really don't make shows that light weight any more. Too bad. (By the way, the new A-Team movie looks down right awful)

Make it so Number One.

This blog post is sponsored by Biffco Enterprises.

Inexperience Is No Excuse

One of the many joys us parents are able to derive from our children is a continual feeling of superiority. You can stand back and laugh at their inability to execute such simple tasks as tying their shoes or solving for pi. Anytime the world is kicking your butt, just come home and challenge your kid to a game of SpongeBob branded "Operation" and quickly establish that indeed there is one person in the world that you are better than. That is of course until you reach that sad, sad day when your child reaches their physical peak any you have long since passed yours.

This blog post is sponsored by the Every Brown Bear Gets a Sandwich Fund.

Getting Off Lightly

This goalie is darn lucky that wasn't Elizabeth Lambert participating in the shootout. For taunting her with cartwheels, she would have intentionally kicked the ball in his face, then ripped off one of the posts of the goal to beat him with it, and then charged into the stands to roundhouse punch his mother. So consider yourself lucky that you only got embarrassed.

This blog post is sponsored by the Brown Detective Agency.

What's Your Damage, Elizabeth?

Yes, this particular news item is now about a month old but I am not what you would call trendsetter. But I repeat myself. Instead, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to stash this piece of video away in a convenient location for continued reviewing. Our dear Elizabeth Lambert exacted on the BYU soccer team what just about every high school girl imagines doing to her female classmates (but doesn't). Or so Hollywood tells me (that and actual life experience). To see this level of visceral girl-on-girl violence outside of the theaters or an episode of "Cheaters" is an uncommon a site as a well-acted ABC Family Channel Show. There were two parts of the video that I found the particularly interesting but were left relatively unmentioned in the resulting blanket TV reaction. The first was when a BYU player responded with the old "Scoreboard" rejoinder to the Lambert onslaught (very last scene of the below clip). Always a solid comeback to issue to a rampaging sore loser because it is sure to make them angrier. The second was a flailing slap-kick delivered after booting the ball away. Although the hair pull was the action that got most of the attention, for some reason it was the final exchange in the below video that really captured my attention. The hair pull was so quick while this seemed like a more prolonged, directed effort with intent to cause harm. Sure, the fact that this event involved pretty young women led the majority of the attention - anyone with a women in their life knows women can be everything a man can be including hypercompetative and physical. I just can't believe she didn't get kicked out of this game. In the end, though, I take my hat off to Elizabeth Lambert. You finally got people to care about a female sporting event.

This blog post is sponsored by Clampett Oil.

And Starting at First Base, Aaron Carter

I have always been a sucker for All-Star games. Despite the fact that the games last half the day and no one under 50 watches the sport on a regular basis, I still make time to take in baseball's Mid-Season Classic every year. Despite the fact that the NFL has to typically go to its seventh choice at each position to get enough players to actually field a team, I willingly extend my football watching by a weekend for the Pro Bowl. Even though I know that the entire sport is rigged by the league and gamblers, I will even channel surf to the NBA All-Star Game. (Sorry, nothing can convince me to waste my time on the NHL defenseless shoot out) There is something about seeing all of those famous faces in unique arrangements that has always tickled my fancy. Stockton to Drexler. Ozzie Smith turning the double play with Ryno.

My fondness for the athletic mash-up carries over to other arenas as well. As a kid I always enjoyed those cheesy 80's TV movies that were cast with actors from that network's current line-up of shows. Spotting the next familiar face as it popped up was sport. The same goes today for any surprise TV and movie cameo's. Seeing the big star pop up unexpectedly in a flamboyantly out of character supporting spot (Madea Goes to Star Fleet Academy). Quality doesn't matter (Cannonball Run), I still get joy out of it. The only version of this phenomenon that I can't get behind is the reality show variation (Dancing with the Stars is the NHL of the celebrity all-star game). I have no interest in actors being themselves. They are only interesting as empty vessles for the manipulation of writers and directors.

A final variation on this theme is the name-dropping song which brings me to the below posted videos. Both feature catchy toons centered around random assemblages of real and fictitious characters (although how Aaron Carter warrants the same air space as luminaries like Chuck Norris, Batman, and Abe Lincoln is beyond me). In case of the first video, I can't stop myself from repeating the chorus of "Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" in my head on a continuous loop. In the case of second, the gratuitous Jake Gyllenhaal appearance is the perfect cap to the completely hilarious send-up of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

This blog post is sponsored by Speaker City.

Even Brett Favre Knows What a Putz He Is

If you are going to rot multiple professional football organizations from the inside while robbing them of millions of dollars, at least you will be given the opportunity to further pad your bank account by making light of the miserable circumstances that you created for fans and teammates with your out of control ego and fading football skills in the service of hawking flatscreens for a soon to be defunct retail outlet.

This blog post is sponsored by Yu Wan Mei.

All About Me

From the outset, I have made no bones the nature of this blog. It is intended to be nothing more than a compilation of self-indulgent navel gazing. This is likely the reason why it has taken me nearly a full calendar year to realize that other members of the genus Homo have happened across my ramblings. But now that my eyes have been opened, it is time to salute these fine upstanding citizens for taken note of the internet's highest quality detritus.

Since I began cataloging poor quality videos that amuse only me, I have received 7 comments on this corner of the internet wilderness. One was a spam comment that I deleted while 3 more are were from relatives that pitied my sad, lonely, and ignored musings and threw me a bone. But then I put up a post about the upcoming G.I. Joe movie. Surprise, surprise, I hit a sweet spot for the blogosphere. 2 of the comments are even relevant to my post. So thanks Marc and Kyle. You have proven that every now and then, the needle can be found in the haystack, even when the haystack is larger than the great state of Alaska. And specifically to Kyle, you have obviously put some thought into your comment and in the spirit and tradition of great internet debate, I respectfully deem your opinion the moronic regurgitation of an obviously mentally feeble individual in need of institutionalization. Who will feed you when you mother passes on? Actually, I see what you are getting at but I stand by my concerns over casting. My problem with Duke isn't so much about age but the blandness of the actor. And despite your contention, I still feel Cobra Commander needs the gravitas that only comes with age. But I am prepared to be and hope to be wrong.

In honor of my most popular post, I present video from Cobra Commander's ill fated run for President. I imagine his plan for a weather control device would have been as beneficial to the future of this country as the Iraq War and the latest version of a stimulus package. Oh, and the Oscars were completely unwatchable.



This blog post is sponsored by Prescott Pharmaceuticals.